History is full of blood feuds. Back in the Roman era, there were the Christians and the lions, which was admittedly one-sided. Ancient Greece featured some epic tussles between Sparta and Troy.

Others were more personal: Ali-Frazier, McEnroe-Bjorg, Lennon-McCartney, Lougheed-Trudeau, Oilers-Flames.

Really, if you think about it, 85 per cent of human history is probably just writers trying to keep track of who was trying to tear whose throat out.

Which brings us to the Calgary Stampeders and Saskatchewan Roughriders, the latest, greatest blood feud to emerge since Prime Minister Stephen Harper went mixed martial arts on Stephane Dion and his coalition of the willing right around this time last year.

While there is much to be said about the players and coaches, we'll leave that to the sports department. We're here to dive into the psyche of the third rail of sports blood feuds: the fans. After all, you can't have a blood feud without a few hard feelings between cities, can you?

While it took a while for Calgary to notice them--about 100 years, give or take the decade they had Lancaster and Reed in the house--the Saskatchewan Roughriders and their rabid followers, like the H1N1 virus, multibillion-dollar provincial deficits and 2012 (the movie, not the apocalypse), are here to stay awhile.

What's worse, they're impossible to miss.

Toting those hollowed-out watermelons around on their wheat-thinned domes is attention-getting enough, but what separates a Rider fan from just about every other these days is their sheer passion.

As much as we want the Stamps to spank the Riders when they travel to Mosaic Stadium in Regina today, and leave the melon-heads weeping in their rinds,

we must tip our cap to them at the same time.

For, truth be told, the CFL is that much

more fun when the Roughriders are in contention. There is nothing quite like Rider fans anywhere in the country.

Kelly Kirch, the program director at the FAN 960, grew up in Regina, a diehard Riders fan during the barren years (the '80s and early '90s). "It's a different feel, if you've ever been to Regina on a game day," he says. "It's a little crazy. My mom sells real estate in Regina and they don't even bother having an open house or showing people houses when the Riders are playing," he adds, "because either the people looking for houses don't want to do it, or the people selling houses certainly don't want to get out while the game is on."

The Roughriders are the only pro game in their town--and because Calgary has so many Saskatchewan expats living here, we've almost become, I hate to say it, Regina West.

While that could provide a few uncomfortable moments this afternoon, we are all about keeping the peace--we are Canada, after all --but I say, peace within limits. Those limits being that if you can't get a Rider fan to shut his yap, yell louder than they yell. Either that, or acknowledge Stamps fans' deepest, darkest secret: you've become the second-craziest CFL fans in your own city! Here, then, is a fan's guide to the West final:

Riders Fan Headquarters:Pazzer's Saskatchewan Pub, 5032 16th Ave (at Bowness). FAN 960 morning man Mike

Richards will be in the house. Stamps Fan Headquarters:

Pick your favourite local. We'll say Schanks North (103 Crowfoot Terrace NW) or Schanks South (9627 Macleod Trail South).

Riders Fan beverage of choice: the Grasshopper.

Stamps Fan beverage of choice: Big Rock Traditional.

Riders Fan Finger Food of Choice: Potash pancakes

smothered in Saskatoon berry syrup. Stamps

Fan Finger Food of

Choice: Hot wings.

Riders Fan Headgear of Choice:Hollowedout watermelon.

Stamps Fan Headgear of Choice: Smithbilt Hat.

Riders Fan Face Paint: Green. Stamps Fan Face Paint: Red.

Riders Fan's Best-Case Scenario:Six sacks of the traitor Henry Burris, who ditched the Riders to sign with the Stamps in 2005.

Stamps Fan's Best-Case Scenario:Stem the early Riders onslaught, keep the score close, steal it late on a field goal by Sandro, then prepare for the craziest week of your lives.

Riders Fan's Worst-Case Scenario: Quarterback Darian Durant wakes up today, realizes he's four quarters from playing in the Grey Cup, and throws a pair of Pick Sixes. Riders fans wake up Monday to six months of winter in Saskatchewan.

Stamps Fan's Worst-Case Scenario:A slow start lets the Riders get their mojo working, making for a long day at Mosaic, followed by an even longer flight home, followed by seven days of the sports section dominated by stories about the Roughriders' quest to win the Grey Cup.

However, for anyone but Stamps and Riders fans, the result of today's game is a win-win scenario: either the hometown heroes are in, or downtown will be filled with thousands and thousands of Riders fans. Both promise to turn Stephen Avenue into a five-day-long party.

In fact, there's probably only one guy for whom no outcome really satisfies: the FAN'S Kirch. "I'm torn like an old sweater," he says. "Business wise, it would be cool to have the Stamps in, because we've (the FAN 960) got stuff down at the Telus Convention Centre, and we're going live for the players awards and we've got a Grey Cup party at Schanks --a thing at Rush, a thing at Cowboys--so we're busy, busy, busy, (and) it would good to have the Stampeders in there."

The problem is that--to paraphrase Woody Allen in a much different context --his heart wants what his heart wants.

"But the green in me still would like to see the Riders come in and use the Stampeders locker-room," he says. "I think that would be kind of funny."

shunt@theherald.canwest.com